i just started a master's program basically in critical theory. i actually don't even like theory that much, but i figured it was a good idea because i haven't read very much and i want to start a phd in the next couple years. i'm not a very insecure person intellectually, and i am certainly not insecure about my education nor my intellect, but it always makes me feel weird to talk about theory. i feel like for a long time it was something that was only of interest to the worst men i knew - that it was some kind of trick, that a casual conversation about foucault or baudrillard was scattered with landmines that would reveal that i'm actually not well educated or not very bright. i think it comes from high school, from doing high school debate. as i got older, theory seemed to be the exclusive domain of the most irritating people i knew, mostly men. the women who were interested in hegel at my university were fine, but most of the men i knew who were into theory were awful. they talked about critical theory as if it were a cudgel to wield against the less enlightened--like it was all sort of a game. when it came to things like gender performance and race theory, it seemed absurd to me to take it lightly. if you deal in these sort of things, you should at least take them seriously, right?